Inside: It’s easy to feel guilt about what your kid’s eating (or not eating) at mealtime. Here’s why you can relax.
From the very first moment of motherhood, it can feel like there are endless things making you feel like a lousy mom.
Maybe it’s a well-meaning but judgy comment from someone or a self-inflicted shame spiral after seeing a “perfect mom” with her “perfect family” (as if) on social media.
Food is one of the biggies: How you feed your child, what your child eats, what your child doesn’t eat. As a dietitian, I’ve gone on a few food-related guilt trips myself over the years (see: The Biggest Lessons I’ve Learned About Feeding Kids).
In case someone hasn’t told you lately: You’re not a lousy mom. You’re a great mom. And just in case you need extra encouragement today, I’m here to say you can officially stop feeling guilty about these five things at dinnertime.
#1. Uneaten vegetables
Yes, vegetables are good for us. But they are not the end-all-be-all of foods. In other words, if you kid hates every single of them, all hope is not lost.
While your kids are still learning to try and like veggies, they can get similar nutrients in other foods, especially fruit. And you can continue to expose your kids to vegetables at meals and snacks, because just seeing veggies counts as exposure.
Remember: We are playing the long game here. We are hunkering down and practicing patience. It’s not about how many bites of broccoli your kid takes at dinner tonight. It’s about building a healthy relationship to food, and that takes time.
See More: Your Kid Hates Vegetables. Now What?
#2. Processed Foods
Despite what you may hear, there’s no shame in using packaged and convenience foods to get dinner on the table. These foods make it easier to make family dinner happen, and that’s a good thing.
Yet it’s also true that a diet high in ultra-processed foods–the kind that are more heavily processed and tend to contain more sodium, added sugar, and additives–may be linked to certain health issues.
So it’s about balance. Here are some real-life ideas:
- Serve a big tossed salad and fruit if you’re having frozen pizza.
- Put brown rice and roasted broccoli on the plate with boxed fish sticks.
- Lean on processed foods that provide more nutrients at dinner, like canned beans, frozen vegetables, and dry whole grain pasta.
See More: You Don’t Have to Avoid Processed Foods. Here’s What To Do Instead.
#3. Ketchup, BBQ Sauce, and Ranch Dressing
Embrace sauces and dips at your table if your kids like them. They can make an intimidating food seem a little friendlier, serving as a “bridge” that encourages your child to try (and hopefully like) different kinds of foods, like veggies.
They can also make bland or even bitter vegetables more flavorful and appealing—which means your kids may eat more of them. In one study, preschoolers ate more broccoli when it was served with dip.
As your kids become more familiar and comfortable around new foods, they probably won’t need as much extra flavoring to enjoy them. For now, consider it a helpful tool.
Yes, these sauce and dips contain added sugar and other additives. But I’d rather cut sugar elsewhere (like fewer sugary drinks) and keep these condiments on the table. If you’re worried your kid will just eat ketchup by the spoonful (ahem, been there), squirt a small amount on their plate or in a small bowl.
Just don’t let worries about added sugar, sodium, and fat cause you to under-flavor foods like veggies. Roasted broccoli is so much better with a sprinkle of salt. Sautéed carrots are transformed with a little butter and brown sugar. And as my kids used to do, asparagus might taste better when it’s dipped in ketchup.
See More: In Defense of Ranch Dressing
#4. Dessert
It’s okay to serve dessert regularly. But dessert shouldn’t be a reward for eating dinner or depend on how many bites of vegetables your child ate.
Here’s why: When getting dessert is linked to eating other food, especially vegetables, kids may start seeing that food as a gross thing they have to get through in order to get something better. Breaking that link helps take the power away from dessert as a bargaining tool. No more “two bites of broccoli and you can have dessert” bribes.
Dietitian Ellyn Satter, author of Child Of Mine: Feeding With Love and Good Sense, actually suggests serving small portions of dessert WITH dinner. She says that when dessert is taken down from its pedestal, it becomes just another part of the meal.
And even if they gobble up the cookie first, they can move on to their other food and eat until they’re full. They don’t race through dinner to get to dessert.
See More: Serving Dessert With Dinner. Sounds Crazy But it Works!
#5. A Hot Mess
If you’re not having perfect family dinners where everyone smiles, uses table manners, and takes second helpings of Brussels sprouts, guess what? You’re a normal family!
Especially when kids are young, dinnertime can be loud and messy and, let’s face it, not always enjoyable.
Chaos at dinnertime is okay. Maintaining the habit of eating together as a family (when you can) is what’s important—even if that means dinner in the car or on the sidelines sometimes.
And it will get easier!
See More: The Truth About Family Dinner
